There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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