That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
