This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
