Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
