no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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