Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
