If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
