No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i've created a new STD.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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