I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
