I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
