I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
