she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
