so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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