I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
