He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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