We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize