Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
