I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
