omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
love makes seman taste better
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
