Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
