i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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