I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
