Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
