i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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