words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
