Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
