So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
