There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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