I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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