just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
