The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
