I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
