There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My balls are so social today.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
