I wanna bring you to show and tell
420 ftw
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
