have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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