I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
