the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
