The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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