thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
