Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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