I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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