K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
