none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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