I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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