I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
