i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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