I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
