I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
