This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
