was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
