No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
