Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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