I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They took my balls.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
