We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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