party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's the barista slut.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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