EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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