You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
True but thats because hes a fetus.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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