my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize