you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
