He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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