All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
