idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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