so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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