well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
