Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
