fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
