hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
