I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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